S1:E19 | How To Be Your Most Confident Self In 2023

S1:E19 | How To Be Your Most Confident Self In 2023

TDMP 19 | Building Confidence


Happy New Year angels! In today’s episode of the “Destiny Malibu Podcast,” Destiny Malibu and DJ Dezzee share their tips on how to become the most confident version of yourself in 2023.

Listen to the podcast here


How To Be Your Most Confident Self In 2023

What is going on, everybody? We are so excited to be back. If you are new to the show, we are a mental health focus show. Our goal is to talk about things that can help us all as individuals improve our lives and ourselves and become the best versions of ourselves possible.

We want to have a little conversation with you to tell you about life experiences and how we get through them. That is how we would like to share our mental health and how we get through things on our own and hopefully share some tips for you.

The first topic that we are going to be discussing is confidence. It is an interesting topic. It took a minute for me as an individual to find where my confidence came from, how to be in tune with myself and know that I can walk into a room and feel powerful and strong.

Even though she was always probably the loudest in the room, I don’t think anybody thought she had any confidence issues because she would talk loud. I teach her through the marker.

It is because I talk too much. Confidence is something that comes from within. It is a core thing. Dezzee has always been somebody that was always naturally confident. We talked about this in an episode before.

I have my moments of insecurity. I like to pretend I’m the tough girl and nothing bothers me but deep down, I cry sometimes.

If you didn’t cry sometimes, I would be more worried about you. How do we cultivate this core confidence where we can walk into any room and not outwardly to other people who come off as confident or as a certain way but truly and deeply feel that way inside?

The first tip that we have for you is about posture and body language, which you don’t want to slump over. You want to stand up tall. Shoulders back and relaxed. Something that you learn in yoga. You have to remember and remind yourself, especially if you are not used to it. It is a habit. It is something that you practice every day. Stretching also helps. That is something to keep in mind.

Don’t be afraid to check your posture. Roll your shoulders and back as you are reading this. Drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw and relax. If you didn’t know this, body language is 55% of all communication. Your body language is immensely important not only to how you come off to other people but how you feel about yourself. Some studies have shown that standing in the superman position.

They always look confident.

They are always standing super tall in this type of pose because body language is not only perceived as confident but internally makes you feel more confident. If I stand like this for three minutes, I feel like I am running the world. It does elevate your confidence. I had people come up to me a lot of times. They are random people at a bar. They will be like, “You come across so confident.” I always thought that was fascinating because I have worked hard on becoming a more confident person. I perceive one of the main reasons why people think that of me is because of how I stand and walk into a room. When I sit down, my shoulders are down. I’m standing tall and my chin is a little bit up. Except before the show when mom was telling you, “Sit up tall.”

Ninety-nine percent of the time, I have good posture. Before we were filming this, I hunched over like a sloth. Now I’m not ironically talking about posture in the episode.

I do believe that is one of the main reasons why people interpret me that way. Especially as a woman, there is beautiful free-flowing femininity. You are being elegant and comfortable in your body in how you are standing. It is weird and seems obvious. If you are hunched over and you look nervous, you are thinking, “Do people like me?” Even if you are not saying anything, people pick up on that.

It is in your aura and vibe. People can sense it.

That brings us to the next point, which is mindset. It is so critical when it comes to core confidence. If you are sitting there, in my opinion, these are some of the steps to confidence on top of our seven pillars of mental health, which is huge. Aside from that, specifically talking about how to boost your confidence, your shoulders are back, relaxed, standing tall, long back of the neck and chin up. You are feeling good. What works internally can we do? The external is looking good.

It is the mindset. What are you thinking?

It is interesting because we like to think that our thoughts are private and they are but what you think does exude out of your body. If you are thinking a negative thought about somebody, you might even be making facial expressions, subconsciously unaware, where you are signaling to that person that you don’t like them.

We like to think that our thoughts are private, and they are, but what you think does exude out of your body. Share on X

I have been in a room where someone is on the other side of the room. You see them looking at someone. You can tell they don’t like that person over there for some reason.

You can pick up on those things. If you are sitting there thinking, “Does anybody like me? Am I fitting in here? Am I acting weird?” People can sense that in your body language. If you are sitting there thinking, which I know sounds narcissistic but to motivate yourself to feel confident, it is like affirmations.

If you have heard of affirmations, you look in the mirror and say, “I am beautiful. I’m strong and confident.” Verbally speaking those words into existence has an effect on your body. If you look in the mirror and you are like, “I am the hottest person in the world,” that sounds intense. It was like, “How could you think that?” As long as you are continuing to be a nice person, there is nothing wrong with thinking that.

It is boosting yourself. Be your little starfish in your ear telling yourself happy words.

In reference to Aquamarine. If you have seen Aquamarine, there is a scene in that movie where she is a mermaid. She becomes a person and has on these earrings.

It is an actual starfish. They say, “Aquamarine, you are the most beautiful angel ever. You are so wonderful.”

She was like, “Thanks, guys.” You can be that for yourself.

Be your own starfish.

Give yourself a high five.

If you haven’t seen it, shame on you. It is such a good movie.

It is a lot about mindset and confidence. Tell yourself, “I am sexy. I am loved. Everybody wants me.” Even though that sounds crazy, if you are thinking things like that, people perceive you the way you perceive yourself. This is a fact. If you perceive that you are cool, loved, lovable, worthy of love and likable, people are going to believe that too and it is attractive to see somebody love themselves that much.

You are like, “I want to be like that.”

When you see somebody so comfortable in their skin, it is inspiring. Another addition I wanted to say about mindset is the concept that true core confidence also is a little bit of delusion. If you are thinking, “I’m the hottest person in the world,” there are lots of beautiful people out there but you are the only version of yourself that exists.

It is beautiful all on its own.

The addition I want to say about mindset is true core confidence is understanding that being confident means being comfortable with failure and rejection. Let’s say there is someone super hot at a bar that you like. You go up to them and they are not giving you the vibe that they are interested. That is okay. That has no reflection on you. You could go into a Prada store. They are all Prada but someone might say, “I don’t like this version.” Does that mean that the bag is worth anything less? No. It is not that person’s cup of tea. That is fine.

Realizing that rejection and failure have no reflection on who you are as a person. You don’t allow that to shake your core confidence. That is a huge part of truly being confident, like being able to love and understanding that loving means that you might get hurt. Knowing that regardless of what happens, no matter how many times you fail, get rejected and get hurt that you are going to be okay. You got your own back. You are confident and know that what is meant for you will come to you easily.

It is something that growing up, dad always said, “You are going to get 100 noes before you get a yes.” You got to keep trying and don’t give up.

It is perspective. That is such a good point. If you think, “I got 100 noes. I suck,” that is a different mindset of like, “I’m going to get 100 noes where we are going to get a yes. One more no, I’m getting closer to the yes.” It is the same situation but a different mindset. That is something that we have to exercise daily. There are days when I wake up where I’m feeling super confident and there are days when I have to give myself an extra twenty minutes to do words of affirmation, look in the mirror, love myself and encourage myself.

Every day is different. We never know what we are going to be feeling that day. A lot of people can attest to that depending on what you ate and how much you slept. Remember to realize that it is okay if things don’t go your way. You are at this peacefulness with yourself and whatever gets thrown at you in life.

Realize that it's okay if things don't go your way. Be at peace with yourself and with whatever gets thrown at you in life. Share on X

The last one that we are going to be talking about is seeking validation. This one is a little bit complicated in the sense that if you know anything about love languages. I’m a big word of affirmation person and physical touch person. In words of affirmation, you could consider that like validation. It is something that feels good.

Everyone loves to receive a compliment and an encouraging phrase. It took me a minute to learn this and hone in on the power of this concept. Even though it is always going to be nice to receive a compliment from someone and experience that, when you stop seeking validation from people and instead you validate yourself, that is when my core confidence peaks and goes through the roof.

If you are always relying on other people to tell you that you have a nice outfit, you look pretty tonight or you are smart, that is not always going to be a daily thing. If you are turning to yourself to validate yourself, you look in the mirror and say, “You are beautiful and smart,” you become someone who is not seeking anything from anybody around you. You are at peace within yourself. You are standing tall. You got the mindset and you are validating yourself. If someone comes around, there is nothing they can give you that you can’t give yourself. There is something extremely powerful. It is mesmerizing about that.

It is like your song, Me, Myself & Netflix.

If you haven’t heard it, it talks about working on yourself and building yourself up.

That is how you build confidence.

If you have any questions, please go to AskDestinyMalibu.com. We love you so much. We are so thankful to be at the Virgin Hotels Las Vegas. If you know our mantra, we would love for you to say it with us. We like to end our episodes with the mantra, which is, “If you hate me, I love you. If you love me, I love you even more. You are not alone. We are in this together.” We will see you in the next episode.


Important Links

S1:E2 | What Do You Say When You Talk To Yourself? – Part I

S1:E2 | What Do You Say When You Talk To Yourself? – Part I

TDMP 2 | Self Love


Destiny Malibu is a world-renowned singer, songwriter, and mental health champion. When she talks about mental health issues, she speaks from experience. She understands your struggle because it’s her struggle, too. She also offers hope for better days. She helps her listeners find joy in the little things, like petting your dog or a smile from a stranger.

On today’s episode, Destiny and her cohost DJ Dezzee talk about the seven pillars of mental health. They really focus on self-love. Why? Because self-love is a REALLY important and fundamental part of good mental health. And today, Destiny shares a fantastic way to practice self-love. It’s simple, it’s powerful, and anyone can do it!

Want to find out more? Tune in to today’s episode of The Destiny Malibu Podcast now!

Listen to the podcast here


What Do You Say When You Talk To Yourself? – Part I

What’s going on everybody? It’s Destiny Malibu and my co-host, DJ Dezzee. Welcome back to the Destiny Malibu show. We are so excited that you guys are back. We are going to be talking about the seven pillars of mental health, which we are excited to share with you. We are going to be talking about self-love. This is a fundamental part of mental health. I have noticed that myself included, the times when I was struggling with my mental health were simultaneously times that I was struggling with self-love. There were times when I would look in the mirror and have a lot of negative self-talk going on, which fast-forward to now, and I realized how detrimental negative self-talk is.

Self-love is a fundamental part of mental health. Share on X

When you would say negative things out loud and I heard, “Destiny, don’t say those,” what did I do Destiny?

She would hit me across the head.

Not hard. Just a tap like, “Don’t do that, Des.”

It was funny because Dezzee and I on this show are offering different perspectives. I’m someone who struggled with depression, I struggled with self-image. Dezzee didn’t struggle with those things as much.

No. I’m on a different level where not to the extreme versions that you did. I was always confident in myself, even though there are tons of beautiful women out there. No matter what my number was on that scale, I always felt confident about myself.

Dezzee and I had different experiences with each of these pillars that we’ll be talking about, but it’s cool because I feel that in most families, people are struggling with different things. Someone in a family is struggling with depression and someone else in the family has never struggled with that and they don’t understand, which was more of the relationship that we had. A lot of households can relate to that.

A lot of times I notice that people who are struggling with mental health simultaneously usually are struggling with self-image. A lot of people I’ve talked to, myself included, when I’m trying to get an understanding of what they’re feeling, at times, I’ll hear a commentary like I hate the way I look, I hate myself, or I’ve made horrible decisions. I’m beating myself up, which Dezzee knew instinctively that that’s not healthy to do. At this time, when I struggled with this, it was my freshman year of high school that I started to struggle with self-image.

At that age, I was 12 or 13, I didn’t know instinctively that negative self-talk was unhealthy. At that time in my life, I didn’t understand the mind and body connection and how your body does physically respond to your thoughts. If you are looking in the mirror and you’re saying, “I hate the way I look. I don’t like this about myself,” and tearing yourself apart, your body physically feels it. It does affect.

There’s been a lot of studies saying that putting yourself down or being in a negative train of thought can cause and manifest itself in physical illness. We’re learning more and more how important our thoughts are. How often we feel that we have no control over our thoughts, but like with anything, controlling your thoughts takes practice. That was something I did not understand at that age. Dezzee, what would you say to me?

I say something along the lines of, “Don’t say that about yourself. That’s not true. You look beautiful.”

She’s the best big sister in the world. At that time in my life, I have no control over these thoughts. I can’t escape thinking this when in reality, I did have way more control over my thoughts than I was aware of. Starting fundamentally with mental health, it’s important if you don’t have what Dezzee had, which was a natural understanding of being aware of the thoughts you’re feeding yourself.

It’s to put into practice retraining the thoughts that you think, which sounds weird and silly at first, but affirmations are one of those things where you need to look in the mirror and say, “I love you. You’re beautiful. I love your hair. You have beautiful eyes.” Say those things to yourself. This is a powerful one. Look yourself in the eye and say, “You have beautiful eyes,” and connect with your soul. It might feel weird at first if you’re struggling with self-love.

I know I was at that time of my life. Saying those things brought out a lot of emotions. It would make me cry and emotional because I didn’t believe those things at that time in my life. Now with a lot of practice and learning to accept and love myself with open arms, I can look in the mirror and say, “You’re beautiful. I love you. I’m proud of you.” I say those things to myself and believe them. When you practice something like affirmations, even if it doesn’t feel normal at first, it takes a while to build a habit. It takes 30 or 60 days to build a habit. You have to habitually be looking in the mirror and say, “I love you. You’re beautiful.”

Even if it feels weird at first, keep saying it. As you start to build that habit, your body will respond and over time, you will start to build an extremely loving relationship with yourself that you didn’t even know was possible. It starts with your thoughts which are an important factor of self-love. One of the things that I hear often is your thoughts become words and your words become actions. Remember that concept. If you’re thinking nice things about yourself, you’re going to start saying nice things about yourself and then you’re going to start feeling and doing good things for yourself.

Exactly. Very well said.

Fundamentally, as you’re going through this mental health journey, it is important to be aware of how you are speaking to yourself. You need to become your own best friend and hype person. If you are someone who likes compliments like me, words of affirmation are one of my love languages, and we’ll talk about love languages in another episode.

If you’re someone who’s craving words of affirmation, you can give that to yourself. It’s nice when you get it from someone else, but when you are practicing a self-love journey, it’s important to get in the habit of being your own best friend and your hype person. I want you guys to check in with yourself and start to pay attention to the thoughts that you’re thinking.

For part two, tune into the next episode.