S1:E9 | Is it Possible to Stop Feeling Lonely, Isolated & Afraid?

S1:E9 | Is it Possible to Stop Feeling Lonely, Isolated & Afraid?

TDMP 9 | Comfort Zone


In our previous episode, we talked about how “feeling alone” is like wearing blinders. You convince yourself that socializing or making new friends are not that important— that all you care about are the things that are already a part of your life. You will probably continue to convince yourself that you dislike the things you’ve never tried and that these just aren’t for you.

As these walls you build become thicker, you will start to feel isolated and disconnected. In this episode, Destiny and Dj Dezzee will talk about how stepping out of your comfort zone will spark joy, help you build strong bonds and relationships and make you feel more alive and connected with the world!

Here’s another fun episode with Destiny & Dj Deezee!

Listen to the podcast here


Is it Possible to Stop Feeling Lonely, Isolated & Afraid?

I had never experienced that level of isolation.

I even experienced it a little bit when I didn’t have a roommate. I was living by myself. I literally would call or text all of my friends and be like, “What are you doing tonight? What are you doing?” Until someone was like, “We can hang out.” I’m like, “All right. Cool. Let’s go do this.”

If you’re out there and you’re feeling lonely right now or you felt lonely before, know that you’re not alone. As humans, it is normal and natural for us to crave human connection and intimacy. It is a huge part of mental health. If you’re feeling that way, just remember there’s nothing wrong with you. Loneliness hits all of us in different waves at different times in life. It’s important for us to remember that this is a universal experience, especially since the pandemic, and to think of ways to remedy this. Nowadays, we don’t have many restrictions, so we should be taking advantage of that like never before.

You got to get out there. You got to go out and do stuff. You got to figure out what it is that you like, what you like to do. If you’re a sports person, go to sports functions. If you like art, go to art galleries. You’re going to run into people and make new friends by just going out and doing things in your circle of hobbies or likes.

This is why it’s so important to highlight the idea of discovering hobbies that you like. If you find hobbies that you enjoy, you will run into like-minded people who enjoy the same things, and like-minded people will typically be your best chance of finding a true connection with somebody.

If you find hobbies you enjoy, you will run into like-minded people who enjoy the same things and give you a chance to find a true connection with somebody. Click To Tweet

Whether friendship, romantic relationship, or just a new person to connect with and talk to, and be like, “Did you hear about that book, movie, or sports game?” If you’re watching the same stuff, they’re probably going to know what you’re talking about.

Something that’s been really fun is Desiree has always been into line dancing. She loves to go line dancing. Recently, which is crazy because I’ve been going to the line dancing bars with Desiree for the longest time, but I never really got into learning the dances. I was there socializing and talking to people. I decided I want to learn these dances. Desiree always looks like she’s having so much fun. I do love dancing, but I’m a little bit of a perfectionist, which I’m working on because being a perfectionist is not necessarily good for your mental health. It can lead to you putting too much pressure on yourself.

It slows down the progress. Don’t be afraid to get out there, try something new, and looking a little silly. We all do it at all stages of our life. Whether you’re young or old, you’re going to get out there and you’ve got to try. Probably no one’s going to notice if you do something silly. If you do, then it’s something to laugh about. In the moment, you might be a little embarrassed, but later, you’d be like, “I have to tell you this story.”

For example, even if you’re not a dancer, you get out there, and you just try to do a dance. If you’ve never done it before, you’re probably going to mess up. Every time I try to learn a new dance, I mess up because I don’t know the dance. After you go out there, you try, and you get a little better each time and you feel a real sense of accomplishment. You feel proud of yourself that you stepped out of your comfort zone and tried something new. Desiree and I have been doing a lot of line dancing together.

Teaching you dance after dance. The best one yet is Shivers by Ed Sheeran.

We love Shivers by Ed Sheeran. It’s the best. He’s one of my all-time favorite songwriters.

I got to see him perform at the football game when the Bucs opened. Our Bucs took the championships from Tampa. Let’s go. Was it the Super Bowl or the opening game in Tampa? He was performing at a park, and I was walking on Tampa Riverwalk. I was like, “Is that Ed Sheeran singing?” I literally got to watch him, and everyone else that was on the Riverwalk got to watch him rehearse. He was singing and practicing the guitar. They were making sure all the videos and everything were working. The next day, I got to go to the NFL opening game for the Bucs. That was really cool. If anybody was watching it, I was right there next to the stage. It was really cool.

I’m jealous. We love the Bucs, but we are in Las Vegas, so I have to say, “Go, Raiders.”

Tom Brady all the way. Let’s go, Buccaneers. Tampa.

The importance of finding out what your hobbies and passions are and finding a community of people that you can connect with is so important. I want to share a little story. Our grandma lives in Las Vegas, and she was saying during the pandemic in particular, because she also moved to a new state, that she was feeling really lonely. One of the things that we encouraged her to do was to go to the senior center. At first, she was a little hesitant. It genuinely can be a little scary to go by yourself to a new book club, step out of your comfort zone, a new church, or whatever it is, and be like, “Here I am.” It can be a little intimidating sometimes.

My favorite thing to do when I’m in a new place, I will always be like, “Is anyone sitting here?” They’re like, “No, you can sit there.” It opens it up, and you get to be like, “Hi. What’s your name?”

Our grandma, after some time, finally agreed to go to the senior center. I can tell you right now I have never seen her happier in my whole life. She has made so many friends there and like-minded retired people looking to do fun things together. She even started dating a little bit. Dating at the senior center. I’ve never seen her happier. That is a true testament to how sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone a little bit, getting out there, and making new friends are so important to your mental health and can result in happiness that you hadn’t experienced before.

Remember, meeting new people doesn’t mean they’re lifelong friends, but they are acquaintances, people that you have memories with. I made friends during the pandemic, and it was a brief encounter. It was one night out hanging out at the sports bar or wherever. I hung out with them a few times, but now I’m here in Vegas with Destiny. I’m no longer in Tampa, but those people I’m still connected with. That’s something to keep in mind that it may not be forever, but it’ll be something that you can hold onto.

Enjoying the moment. To add to that, even though having deep emotional conversations with people is a huge part of feeling connected. I know not everybody feels this way. Some people need deep emotional conversation to feel fulfilled in that human connection part of their life. I don’t know if anybody is out there like me, but I love to people-watch. Sometimes when Des and I go out, I can post up and just watch everybody, looking at people’s outfits, body language, and hairstyles. I love to people-watch and sometimes go out and be around people. I realize, “I’m not like Wall-E.” I’m not Wall-E. I’m not the only person on planet Earth. There’s all of us out here. We’re all looking for human connection. We’re all trying to be the best version of ourselves. There’s something extremely comforting about that.



S1:E8 | You Gotta Have THIS For Strong Mental Health!

S1:E8 | You Gotta Have THIS For Strong Mental Health!

TDMP 8 | Social Life


On to today’s episode…

How do you feel about being alone? Do you enjoy doing things by yourself? Do you think of friends and socializing as optional parts of your life? You know, nice to have, but not all that important?

Destiny can relate. She thought of herself as someone who was “really good at being alone”. Even when she was growing up.

But then a cascade of traumatic events happened to her and her family. And Destiny was more alone than ever before. She says she became “immensely, immensely lonely”.

It was then she made an important discovery. A discovery that’s vital for all of us in our pursuit of abundant mental health.

Want to find out more?

Listen now!

Listen to the podcast here


You Gotta Have THIS For Strong Mental Health!

What’s going on, everybody? It’s Destiny Malibu and my co-host, DJ Dezzee.

We’re so happy that you joined us yet again.

We are so happy you’re back. We are going to be talking about another 1 of these 7 pillars of mental health. We’ve talked about self-love and purpose, and now we are going to be talking about the importance of social life. I always considered myself someone who was good at being alone. I would often have a meal by myself. I would take drives for myself. I would go a couple of days sometimes without hanging out with somebody and doing my own thing, even though growing up, I always had my friends.

I considered myself someone who was good at being alone until our house burned down in Malibu. That was a traumatic thing. Our house burned down in the Woolsey Fire if you guys did not already know that. I have a music video about it, and a song I wrote about it. That’s called We Will Rise, and you guys can check that out. Desiree was at a mass shooting, which was terrifying, then moved to Florida right after that event happened.

I left Destiny all alone. I was there the entire time. She says she’s a lone wolf, but remember, big sister was always there.

I wasn’t necessarily a lone wolf. Desiree and I have always been best friends. People can attest that growing up. Even in high school, we shared a Facebook.

We were called Des Dez.

We shared a Facebook. We’ve always been very close, but I meant, in general, that I was comfortable doing things on my own. I didn’t think that I had a problem being alone until I actually experienced it. Desiree went to Florida and my parents and I moved to LA. Here I was in a new city. I had gone through a breakup, my sister moved, our house had burned down, Desiree had been through shooting, and there was a lot of emotion. Even though my friends were in Malibu, they were still about an hour away. I’m sure a lot of you can attest that sometimes even moving an hour away makes a dramatic difference in how often you see people. It’s hard to keep friendships when you’re in different states.

Even moving for an hour away can sometimes make a dramatic difference in how often you see people. Click To Tweet

Also, not seeing each other every day.

Often, even in different cities like I experienced. I was in a new city and I felt lonely. This is sad to say. I remember the time I spent many weekends crying in my room.

You called me on a couple of those weekends, you were like, “What are you doing, Dez?”

I don’t know if any of you guys can attest to that, but sometimes, loneliness can take over. If you’re in a new city, a new state or a new town, and you haven’t quite made those connections yet, it can be tough, not to mention all the changes that we had gone through in 2020. I’m sure many of us can relate to that feeling of overwhelming loneliness because of this pandemic.

The pandemic was a big one. Everyone was at home, and you rarely got to see anybody unless you were in a relationship.

I know that there were a lot of different struggles that came out of the pandemic. A lot of new relationships were started and ended. There was a lot of chaos going on at that time, and we’re still not fully over the craziness.

Different states have different things and different hiccups here and there, so you got to go with the flow.

A lot of us can relate, especially now worldwide, to experiencing at some point or another, an immense feeling of loneliness.

That’s literally my worst fear. My worst fear is being alone. I always like to go out and do something.

Going back to the story I was saying about how all this change was happening, we had moved to LA, and then we were in LA for about a year. We decided to move to Las Vegas. When we moved to Las Vegas, I was not only in a new city, but I was in a new state. Now I was far away from my friends. In LA, even though I didn’t see my friends every week like I was used to, I was still seeing them once a month. I had some friends come to visit me and that was super sweet. I also went out to Malibu a couple of times, but I don’t drive that often because I’m not the best driver.

It’s terrifying. I always hold onto the door when she’s driving.

I’m not terrible, but I prefer to be driven. I had people come to see me. Shout out to all my friends who came to visit me in LA. I love you. Now we’re in Nevada, Las Vegas. We’re in a new state. Thankfully, it’s not too far from LA, but it’s still a new state. We’re in lockdown. I’m in a new place. I don’t know anybody. I thought I was lonely before in LA. Desiree is still in Florida. I became immensely lonely during the pandemic. At this time, I realized the super immense importance of social life. I realized its importance at a level I had never understood before. Even though I thought that I was good at having lunch by myself sometimes or doing things by myself, I had never experienced that level of isolation.


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