S1:E19 | How To Be Your Most Confident Self In 2023
Happy New Year angels! In today’s episode of the “Destiny Malibu Podcast,” Destiny Malibu and DJ Dezzee share their tips on how to become the most confident version of yourself in 2023.
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How To Be Your Most Confident Self In 2023
What is going on, everybody? We are so excited to be back. If you are new to the show, we are a mental health focus show. Our goal is to talk about things that can help us all as individuals improve our lives and ourselves and become the best versions of ourselves possible.
We want to have a little conversation with you to tell you about life experiences and how we get through them. That is how we would like to share our mental health and how we get through things on our own and hopefully share some tips for you.
The first topic that we are going to be discussing is confidence. It is an interesting topic. It took a minute for me as an individual to find where my confidence came from, how to be in tune with myself and know that I can walk into a room and feel powerful and strong.
Even though she was always probably the loudest in the room, I don’t think anybody thought she had any confidence issues because she would talk loud. I teach her through the marker.
It is because I talk too much. Confidence is something that comes from within. It is a core thing. Dezzee has always been somebody that was always naturally confident. We talked about this in an episode before.
I have my moments of insecurity. I like to pretend I’m the tough girl and nothing bothers me but deep down, I cry sometimes.
If you didn’t cry sometimes, I would be more worried about you. How do we cultivate this core confidence where we can walk into any room and not outwardly to other people who come off as confident or as a certain way but truly and deeply feel that way inside?
The first tip that we have for you is about posture and body language, which you don’t want to slump over. You want to stand up tall. Shoulders back and relaxed. Something that you learn in yoga. You have to remember and remind yourself, especially if you are not used to it. It is a habit. It is something that you practice every day. Stretching also helps. That is something to keep in mind.
Don’t be afraid to check your posture. Roll your shoulders and back as you are reading this. Drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw and relax. If you didn’t know this, body language is 55% of all communication. Your body language is immensely important not only to how you come off to other people but how you feel about yourself. Some studies have shown that standing in the superman position.
They always look confident.
They are always standing super tall in this type of pose because body language is not only perceived as confident but internally makes you feel more confident. If I stand like this for three minutes, I feel like I am running the world. It does elevate your confidence. I had people come up to me a lot of times. They are random people at a bar. They will be like, “You come across so confident.” I always thought that was fascinating because I have worked hard on becoming a more confident person. I perceive one of the main reasons why people think that of me is because of how I stand and walk into a room. When I sit down, my shoulders are down. I’m standing tall and my chin is a little bit up. Except before the show when mom was telling you, “Sit up tall.”
Ninety-nine percent of the time, I have good posture. Before we were filming this, I hunched over like a sloth. Now I’m not ironically talking about posture in the episode.
I do believe that is one of the main reasons why people interpret me that way. Especially as a woman, there is beautiful free-flowing femininity. You are being elegant and comfortable in your body in how you are standing. It is weird and seems obvious. If you are hunched over and you look nervous, you are thinking, “Do people like me?” Even if you are not saying anything, people pick up on that.
It is in your aura and vibe. People can sense it.
That brings us to the next point, which is mindset. It is so critical when it comes to core confidence. If you are sitting there, in my opinion, these are some of the steps to confidence on top of our seven pillars of mental health, which is huge. Aside from that, specifically talking about how to boost your confidence, your shoulders are back, relaxed, standing tall, long back of the neck and chin up. You are feeling good. What works internally can we do? The external is looking good.
It is the mindset. What are you thinking?
It is interesting because we like to think that our thoughts are private and they are but what you think does exude out of your body. If you are thinking a negative thought about somebody, you might even be making facial expressions, subconsciously unaware, where you are signaling to that person that you don’t like them.We like to think that our thoughts are private, and they are, but what you think does exude out of your body. Click To Tweet
I have been in a room where someone is on the other side of the room. You see them looking at someone. You can tell they don’t like that person over there for some reason.
You can pick up on those things. If you are sitting there thinking, “Does anybody like me? Am I fitting in here? Am I acting weird?” People can sense that in your body language. If you are sitting there thinking, which I know sounds narcissistic but to motivate yourself to feel confident, it is like affirmations.
If you have heard of affirmations, you look in the mirror and say, “I am beautiful. I’m strong and confident.” Verbally speaking those words into existence has an effect on your body. If you look in the mirror and you are like, “I am the hottest person in the world,” that sounds intense. It was like, “How could you think that?” As long as you are continuing to be a nice person, there is nothing wrong with thinking that.
It is boosting yourself. Be your little starfish in your ear telling yourself happy words.
In reference to Aquamarine. If you have seen Aquamarine, there is a scene in that movie where she is a mermaid. She becomes a person and has on these earrings.
It is an actual starfish. They say, “Aquamarine, you are the most beautiful angel ever. You are so wonderful.”
She was like, “Thanks, guys.” You can be that for yourself.
Be your own starfish.
Give yourself a high five.
If you haven’t seen it, shame on you. It is such a good movie.
It is a lot about mindset and confidence. Tell yourself, “I am sexy. I am loved. Everybody wants me.” Even though that sounds crazy, if you are thinking things like that, people perceive you the way you perceive yourself. This is a fact. If you perceive that you are cool, loved, lovable, worthy of love and likable, people are going to believe that too and it is attractive to see somebody love themselves that much.
You are like, “I want to be like that.”
When you see somebody so comfortable in their skin, it is inspiring. Another addition I wanted to say about mindset is the concept that true core confidence also is a little bit of delusion. If you are thinking, “I’m the hottest person in the world,” there are lots of beautiful people out there but you are the only version of yourself that exists.
It is beautiful all on its own.
The addition I want to say about mindset is true core confidence is understanding that being confident means being comfortable with failure and rejection. Let’s say there is someone super hot at a bar that you like. You go up to them and they are not giving you the vibe that they are interested. That is okay. That has no reflection on you. You could go into a Prada store. They are all Prada but someone might say, “I don’t like this version.” Does that mean that the bag is worth anything less? No. It is not that person’s cup of tea. That is fine.
Realizing that rejection and failure have no reflection on who you are as a person. You don’t allow that to shake your core confidence. That is a huge part of truly being confident, like being able to love and understanding that loving means that you might get hurt. Knowing that regardless of what happens, no matter how many times you fail, get rejected and get hurt that you are going to be okay. You got your own back. You are confident and know that what is meant for you will come to you easily.
It is something that growing up, dad always said, “You are going to get 100 noes before you get a yes.” You got to keep trying and don’t give up.
It is perspective. That is such a good point. If you think, “I got 100 noes. I suck,” that is a different mindset of like, “I’m going to get 100 noes where we are going to get a yes. One more no, I’m getting closer to the yes.” It is the same situation but a different mindset. That is something that we have to exercise daily. There are days when I wake up where I’m feeling super confident and there are days when I have to give myself an extra twenty minutes to do words of affirmation, look in the mirror, love myself and encourage myself.
Every day is different. We never know what we are going to be feeling that day. A lot of people can attest to that depending on what you ate and how much you slept. Remember to realize that it is okay if things don’t go your way. You are at this peacefulness with yourself and whatever gets thrown at you in life.Realize that it's okay if things don't go your way. Be at peace with yourself and with whatever gets thrown at you in life. Click To Tweet
The last one that we are going to be talking about is seeking validation. This one is a little bit complicated in the sense that if you know anything about love languages. I’m a big word of affirmation person and physical touch person. In words of affirmation, you could consider that like validation. It is something that feels good.
Everyone loves to receive a compliment and an encouraging phrase. It took me a minute to learn this and hone in on the power of this concept. Even though it is always going to be nice to receive a compliment from someone and experience that, when you stop seeking validation from people and instead you validate yourself, that is when my core confidence peaks and goes through the roof.
If you are always relying on other people to tell you that you have a nice outfit, you look pretty tonight or you are smart, that is not always going to be a daily thing. If you are turning to yourself to validate yourself, you look in the mirror and say, “You are beautiful and smart,” you become someone who is not seeking anything from anybody around you. You are at peace within yourself. You are standing tall. You got the mindset and you are validating yourself. If someone comes around, there is nothing they can give you that you can’t give yourself. There is something extremely powerful. It is mesmerizing about that.
It is like your song, Me, Myself & Netflix.
If you haven’t heard it, it talks about working on yourself and building yourself up.
That is how you build confidence.
If you have any questions, please go to AskDestinyMalibu.com. We love you so much. We are so thankful to be at the Virgin Hotels Las Vegas. If you know our mantra, we would love for you to say it with us. We like to end our episodes with the mantra, which is, “If you hate me, I love you. If you love me, I love you even more. You are not alone. We are in this together.” We will see you in the next episode.