TDMP 9 | Comfort Zone

 

In our previous episode, we talked about how “feeling alone” is like wearing blinders. You convince yourself that socializing or making new friends are not that important— that all you care about are the things that are already a part of your life. You will probably continue to convince yourself that you dislike the things you’ve never tried and that these just aren’t for you.

As these walls you build become thicker, you will start to feel isolated and disconnected. In this episode, Destiny and Dj Dezzee will talk about how stepping out of your comfort zone will spark joy, help you build strong bonds and relationships and make you feel more alive and connected with the world!

Here’s another fun episode with Destiny & Dj Deezee!

Listen to the podcast here

 

Is it Possible to Stop Feeling Lonely, Isolated & Afraid?

I had never experienced that level of isolation.

I even experienced it a little bit when I didn’t have a roommate. I was living by myself. I literally would call or text all of my friends and be like, “What are you doing tonight? What are you doing?” Until someone was like, “We can hang out.” I’m like, “All right. Cool. Let’s go do this.”

If you’re out there and you’re feeling lonely right now or you felt lonely before, know that you’re not alone. As humans, it is normal and natural for us to crave human connection and intimacy. It is a huge part of mental health. If you’re feeling that way, just remember there’s nothing wrong with you. Loneliness hits all of us in different waves at different times in life. It’s important for us to remember that this is a universal experience, especially since the pandemic, and to think of ways to remedy this. Nowadays, we don’t have many restrictions, so we should be taking advantage of that like never before.

You got to get out there. You got to go out and do stuff. You got to figure out what it is that you like, what you like to do. If you’re a sports person, go to sports functions. If you like art, go to art galleries. You’re going to run into people and make new friends by just going out and doing things in your circle of hobbies or likes.

This is why it’s so important to highlight the idea of discovering hobbies that you like. If you find hobbies that you enjoy, you will run into like-minded people who enjoy the same things, and like-minded people will typically be your best chance of finding a true connection with somebody.

If you find hobbies you enjoy, you will run into like-minded people who enjoy the same things and give you a chance to find a true connection with somebody. Click To Tweet

Whether friendship, romantic relationship, or just a new person to connect with and talk to, and be like, “Did you hear about that book, movie, or sports game?” If you’re watching the same stuff, they’re probably going to know what you’re talking about.

Something that’s been really fun is Desiree has always been into line dancing. She loves to go line dancing. Recently, which is crazy because I’ve been going to the line dancing bars with Desiree for the longest time, but I never really got into learning the dances. I was there socializing and talking to people. I decided I want to learn these dances. Desiree always looks like she’s having so much fun. I do love dancing, but I’m a little bit of a perfectionist, which I’m working on because being a perfectionist is not necessarily good for your mental health. It can lead to you putting too much pressure on yourself.

It slows down the progress. Don’t be afraid to get out there, try something new, and looking a little silly. We all do it at all stages of our life. Whether you’re young or old, you’re going to get out there and you’ve got to try. Probably no one’s going to notice if you do something silly. If you do, then it’s something to laugh about. In the moment, you might be a little embarrassed, but later, you’d be like, “I have to tell you this story.”

For example, even if you’re not a dancer, you get out there, and you just try to do a dance. If you’ve never done it before, you’re probably going to mess up. Every time I try to learn a new dance, I mess up because I don’t know the dance. After you go out there, you try, and you get a little better each time and you feel a real sense of accomplishment. You feel proud of yourself that you stepped out of your comfort zone and tried something new. Desiree and I have been doing a lot of line dancing together.

Teaching you dance after dance. The best one yet is Shivers by Ed Sheeran.

We love Shivers by Ed Sheeran. It’s the best. He’s one of my all-time favorite songwriters.

I got to see him perform at the football game when the Bucs opened. Our Bucs took the championships from Tampa. Let’s go. Was it the Super Bowl or the opening game in Tampa? He was performing at a park, and I was walking on Tampa Riverwalk. I was like, “Is that Ed Sheeran singing?” I literally got to watch him, and everyone else that was on the Riverwalk got to watch him rehearse. He was singing and practicing the guitar. They were making sure all the videos and everything were working. The next day, I got to go to the NFL opening game for the Bucs. That was really cool. If anybody was watching it, I was right there next to the stage. It was really cool.

I’m jealous. We love the Bucs, but we are in Las Vegas, so I have to say, “Go, Raiders.”

Tom Brady all the way. Let’s go, Buccaneers. Tampa.

The importance of finding out what your hobbies and passions are and finding a community of people that you can connect with is so important. I want to share a little story. Our grandma lives in Las Vegas, and she was saying during the pandemic in particular, because she also moved to a new state, that she was feeling really lonely. One of the things that we encouraged her to do was to go to the senior center. At first, she was a little hesitant. It genuinely can be a little scary to go by yourself to a new book club, step out of your comfort zone, a new church, or whatever it is, and be like, “Here I am.” It can be a little intimidating sometimes.

My favorite thing to do when I’m in a new place, I will always be like, “Is anyone sitting here?” They’re like, “No, you can sit there.” It opens it up, and you get to be like, “Hi. What’s your name?”

Our grandma, after some time, finally agreed to go to the senior center. I can tell you right now I have never seen her happier in my whole life. She has made so many friends there and like-minded retired people looking to do fun things together. She even started dating a little bit. Dating at the senior center. I’ve never seen her happier. That is a true testament to how sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone a little bit, getting out there, and making new friends are so important to your mental health and can result in happiness that you hadn’t experienced before.

Remember, meeting new people doesn’t mean they’re lifelong friends, but they are acquaintances, people that you have memories with. I made friends during the pandemic, and it was a brief encounter. It was one night out hanging out at the sports bar or wherever. I hung out with them a few times, but now I’m here in Vegas with Destiny. I’m no longer in Tampa, but those people I’m still connected with. That’s something to keep in mind that it may not be forever, but it’ll be something that you can hold onto.

Enjoying the moment. To add to that, even though having deep emotional conversations with people is a huge part of feeling connected. I know not everybody feels this way. Some people need deep emotional conversation to feel fulfilled in that human connection part of their life. I don’t know if anybody is out there like me, but I love to people-watch. Sometimes when Des and I go out, I can post up and just watch everybody, looking at people’s outfits, body language, and hairstyles. I love to people-watch and sometimes go out and be around people. I realize, “I’m not like Wall-E.” I’m not Wall-E. I’m not the only person on planet Earth. There’s all of us out here. We’re all looking for human connection. We’re all trying to be the best version of ourselves. There’s something extremely comforting about that.