On to today’s episode…
Do you ever go to a busy public place and just people watch? It’s pretty interesting, right?
It reminds us that we aren’t the only person on planet Earth. And that we’re social beings. We’re all yearning for a human connection.
And now that pandemic-related restrictions have eased up, it’s easier to get out and meet people.
Which is something Destiny really recommends you do. Why?
Because we all need to connect with other human beings. Socializing is an important pillar of mental health.
On today’s episode of The Destiny Malibu Podcast, Destiny gives you some valuable tips that can help you be more approachable and more successful at confidently putting yourself out there and making new friends.
She also gives you some ideas to help you stay safe as you go out and build your new, exciting social life.
Want to find out more? Listen now!
Listen to the podcast here
Stop Repelling New Friends: Attract Good People Instead
I love to people watch and sometimes, going out and being around people and realizing like, “I’m not Wall-E,” like, you go out and I’m like, “I’m not Wall-E. I’m not the only person on planet Earth.” There’s all of us out here. We’re all looking for human connection. We’re all trying to be the best versions of ourselves. There’s something extremely comforting about that. Now that restrictions have lightened up a little bit with the pandemic, we can get out there. We can explore, adventure, go and try something new. Aside from joining clubs or trying different hobbies is getting out of nature.
Get out of nature and go to the beach, go for a hike or go to the park.
You never know. Sometimes you can literally be at the beach by yourself, soaking up the sun or reading a book or at a park bench and meet somebody cool. It takes putting yourself out there and being open, having open body language, looking around, smiling at people and looking for an opportunity to make new friends.
Also, beware of creepers. Be careful.
Don’t talk to just anybody.
Trust your gut. If you ever feel any type of uncomfortable feeling with anybody, walk away immediately. Make sure it’s in a public place. Don’t go somewhere alone in the dark.
I know everybody’s different. Ideally, I would suggest not going on a hike all by yourself in the middle of nowhere.
Bring someone. You don’t want to be stuck out there for 72 hours.
Bring someone or a big dog at the very least. We want you angels to be safe out there, but in general, put yourself out there, be open, meet new people and that brings so much joy to life. Sometimes we can forget because we’re so focused on, “What am I doing? What are my goals? What am I focused on in my career? What I’ve got to do next?” Sometimes we forget to nurture this social part of our being that needs to be nurtured.
Even people who consider themselves introverts, who like to spend a lot of time alone, would benefit and do benefit from at least getting some social time. We want to encourage you to open up your social life. Open up your so social circle and make it bigger. You have your close-knit people, then you have your other people and it grows.
Whether it’s acquaintances, close friends, new relationships or best friends that you make, get out there and make sure that you are building your social life that is full of color and full of life and all kinds of different people to make your life feel fulfilled. I want these seven pillars for you folks to be something so important. We are going to be talking about more of them in the upcoming episodes but these seven pillars are so important that even I myself, who made these seven pillars, I was feeling down. I was like, “Why am I feeling so down? What’s going on?”
I took out my little notebook and looked at my little diagram. I thought, “Where am I falling short on this graph?” I realized for me it was on the vitamin section. We are going to be talking about more of these in the upcoming episodes. We want to make sure that you folks are coming back because this has been so helpful for my life and my mental health journey.
To this day, these seven pillars that we are teaching you and talking about is something that it’s so easy to forget one of these categories and go, “There’s no hope. I don’t know what I’m doing,” but we do have the opportunity with these pillars to look at them at any point of our life and ask ourselves, “Where could I improve? Which category could I improve in?” You will be shocked at how beneficial that is for your life. You can use this tool at any time.
Make sure you come back for the next episode and we hope that talking about social life and hopefully, you get some ideas and realize that we all go through loneliness and sometimes we need to expand our social circle.
Sometimes we need to get out there and give somebody a hug, have some direct eye contact. It is incredible what those simple things will do for our mental health. We love you so much and we are so thankful that you are hanging out with us and are part of the Angel Squad community. We want to say the Destiny Malibu mantra/motto. If you’re at home, make sure you are saying this with us and it is, “If you hate me, I love you. If you love me, I love you even more. You are not alone. We are in this together.”
If you have any questions for our upcoming episodes, you can go ahead and submit your questions to Ask@DestinyMalibu.com.
We want to hear from you. Let us know what’s going on in your lives, what different things you are struggling with, how your social life is going, how these pillars that we’ve talked about so far have helped you, we hope. We love you so much. We’re so thankful that we get to be online best friends. We love you and we will see you on the next episode.
In our previous episode, we talked about how “feeling alone” is like wearing blinders. You convince yourself that socializing or making new friends are not that important— that all you care about are the things that are already a part of your life. You will probably continue to convince yourself that you dislike the things you’ve never tried and that these just aren’t for you.
As these walls you build become thicker, you will start to feel isolated and disconnected. In this episode, Destiny and Dj Dezzee will talk about how stepping out of your comfort zone will spark joy, help you build strong bonds and relationships and make you feel more alive and connected with the world!
Here’s another fun episode with Destiny & Dj Deezee!
Listen to the podcast here
Is it Possible to Stop Feeling Lonely, Isolated & Afraid?
I had never experienced that level of isolation.
I even experienced it a little bit when I didn’t have a roommate. I was living by myself. I literally would call or text all of my friends and be like, “What are you doing tonight? What are you doing?” Until someone was like, “We can hang out.” I’m like, “All right. Cool. Let’s go do this.”
If you’re out there and you’re feeling lonely right now or you felt lonely before, know that you’re not alone. As humans, it is normal and natural for us to crave human connection and intimacy. It is a huge part of mental health. If you’re feeling that way, just remember there’s nothing wrong with you. Loneliness hits all of us in different waves at different times in life. It’s important for us to remember that this is a universal experience, especially since the pandemic, and to think of ways to remedy this. Nowadays, we don’t have many restrictions, so we should be taking advantage of that like never before.
You got to get out there. You got to go out and do stuff. You got to figure out what it is that you like, what you like to do. If you’re a sports person, go to sports functions. If you like art, go to art galleries. You’re going to run into people and make new friends by just going out and doing things in your circle of hobbies or likes.
This is why it’s so important to highlight the idea of discovering hobbies that you like. If you find hobbies that you enjoy, you will run into like-minded people who enjoy the same things, and like-minded people will typically be your best chance of finding a true connection with somebody.
Whether friendship, romantic relationship, or just a new person to connect with and talk to, and be like, “Did you hear about that book, movie, or sports game?” If you’re watching the same stuff, they’re probably going to know what you’re talking about.
Something that’s been really fun is Desiree has always been into line dancing. She loves to go line dancing. Recently, which is crazy because I’ve been going to the line dancing bars with Desiree for the longest time, but I never really got into learning the dances. I was there socializing and talking to people. I decided I want to learn these dances. Desiree always looks like she’s having so much fun. I do love dancing, but I’m a little bit of a perfectionist, which I’m working on because being a perfectionist is not necessarily good for your mental health. It can lead to you putting too much pressure on yourself.
It slows down the progress. Don’t be afraid to get out there, try something new, and looking a little silly. We all do it at all stages of our life. Whether you’re young or old, you’re going to get out there and you’ve got to try. Probably no one’s going to notice if you do something silly. If you do, then it’s something to laugh about. In the moment, you might be a little embarrassed, but later, you’d be like, “I have to tell you this story.”
For example, even if you’re not a dancer, you get out there, and you just try to do a dance. If you’ve never done it before, you’re probably going to mess up. Every time I try to learn a new dance, I mess up because I don’t know the dance. After you go out there, you try, and you get a little better each time and you feel a real sense of accomplishment. You feel proud of yourself that you stepped out of your comfort zone and tried something new. Desiree and I have been doing a lot of line dancing together.
Teaching you dance after dance. The best one yet is Shivers by Ed Sheeran.
We love Shivers by Ed Sheeran. It’s the best. He’s one of my all-time favorite songwriters.
I got to see him perform at the football game when the Bucs opened. Our Bucs took the championships from Tampa. Let’s go. Was it the Super Bowl or the opening game in Tampa? He was performing at a park, and I was walking on Tampa Riverwalk. I was like, “Is that Ed Sheeran singing?” I literally got to watch him, and everyone else that was on the Riverwalk got to watch him rehearse. He was singing and practicing the guitar. They were making sure all the videos and everything were working. The next day, I got to go to the NFL opening game for the Bucs. That was really cool. If anybody was watching it, I was right there next to the stage. It was really cool.
I’m jealous. We love the Bucs, but we are in Las Vegas, so I have to say, “Go, Raiders.”
Tom Brady all the way. Let’s go, Buccaneers. Tampa.
The importance of finding out what your hobbies and passions are and finding a community of people that you can connect with is so important. I want to share a little story. Our grandma lives in Las Vegas, and she was saying during the pandemic in particular, because she also moved to a new state, that she was feeling really lonely. One of the things that we encouraged her to do was to go to the senior center. At first, she was a little hesitant. It genuinely can be a little scary to go by yourself to a new book club, step out of your comfort zone, a new church, or whatever it is, and be like, “Here I am.” It can be a little intimidating sometimes.
My favorite thing to do when I’m in a new place, I will always be like, “Is anyone sitting here?” They’re like, “No, you can sit there.” It opens it up, and you get to be like, “Hi. What’s your name?”
Our grandma, after some time, finally agreed to go to the senior center. I can tell you right now I have never seen her happier in my whole life. She has made so many friends there and like-minded retired people looking to do fun things together. She even started dating a little bit. Dating at the senior center. I’ve never seen her happier. That is a true testament to how sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone a little bit, getting out there, and making new friends are so important to your mental health and can result in happiness that you hadn’t experienced before.
Remember, meeting new people doesn’t mean they’re lifelong friends, but they are acquaintances, people that you have memories with. I made friends during the pandemic, and it was a brief encounter. It was one night out hanging out at the sports bar or wherever. I hung out with them a few times, but now I’m here in Vegas with Destiny. I’m no longer in Tampa, but those people I’m still connected with. That’s something to keep in mind that it may not be forever, but it’ll be something that you can hold onto.
Enjoying the moment. To add to that, even though having deep emotional conversations with people is a huge part of feeling connected. I know not everybody feels this way. Some people need deep emotional conversation to feel fulfilled in that human connection part of their life. I don’t know if anybody is out there like me, but I love to people-watch. Sometimes when Des and I go out, I can post up and just watch everybody, looking at people’s outfits, body language, and hairstyles. I love to people-watch and sometimes go out and be around people. I realize, “I’m not like Wall-E.” I’m not Wall-E. I’m not the only person on planet Earth. There’s all of us out here. We’re all looking for human connection. We’re all trying to be the best version of ourselves. There’s something extremely comforting about that.
On to today’s episode…
How do you feel about being alone? Do you enjoy doing things by yourself? Do you think of friends and socializing as optional parts of your life? You know, nice to have, but not all that important?
Destiny can relate. She thought of herself as someone who was “really good at being alone”. Even when she was growing up.
But then a cascade of traumatic events happened to her and her family. And Destiny was more alone than ever before. She says she became “immensely, immensely lonely”.
It was then she made an important discovery. A discovery that’s vital for all of us in our pursuit of abundant mental health.
Want to find out more?
Listen to the podcast here
You Gotta Have THIS For Strong Mental Health!
What’s going on, everybody? It’s Destiny Malibu and my co-host, DJ Dezzee.
We’re so happy that you joined us yet again.
We are so happy you’re back. We are going to be talking about another 1 of these 7 pillars of mental health. We’ve talked about self-love and purpose, and now we are going to be talking about the importance of social life. I always considered myself someone who was good at being alone. I would often have a meal by myself. I would take drives for myself. I would go a couple of days sometimes without hanging out with somebody and doing my own thing, even though growing up, I always had my friends.
I considered myself someone who was good at being alone until our house burned down in Malibu. That was a traumatic thing. Our house burned down in the Woolsey Fire if you guys did not already know that. I have a music video about it, and a song I wrote about it. That’s called We Will Rise, and you guys can check that out. Desiree was at a mass shooting, which was terrifying, then moved to Florida right after that event happened.
I left Destiny all alone. I was there the entire time. She says she’s a lone wolf, but remember, big sister was always there.
I wasn’t necessarily a lone wolf. Desiree and I have always been best friends. People can attest that growing up. Even in high school, we shared a Facebook.
We were called Des Dez.
We shared a Facebook. We’ve always been very close, but I meant, in general, that I was comfortable doing things on my own. I didn’t think that I had a problem being alone until I actually experienced it. Desiree went to Florida and my parents and I moved to LA. Here I was in a new city. I had gone through a breakup, my sister moved, our house had burned down, Desiree had been through shooting, and there was a lot of emotion. Even though my friends were in Malibu, they were still about an hour away. I’m sure a lot of you can attest that sometimes even moving an hour away makes a dramatic difference in how often you see people. It’s hard to keep friendships when you’re in different states.
Also, not seeing each other every day.
Often, even in different cities like I experienced. I was in a new city and I felt lonely. This is sad to say. I remember the time I spent many weekends crying in my room.
You called me on a couple of those weekends, you were like, “What are you doing, Dez?”
I don’t know if any of you guys can attest to that, but sometimes, loneliness can take over. If you’re in a new city, a new state or a new town, and you haven’t quite made those connections yet, it can be tough, not to mention all the changes that we had gone through in 2020. I’m sure many of us can relate to that feeling of overwhelming loneliness because of this pandemic.
The pandemic was a big one. Everyone was at home, and you rarely got to see anybody unless you were in a relationship.
I know that there were a lot of different struggles that came out of the pandemic. A lot of new relationships were started and ended. There was a lot of chaos going on at that time, and we’re still not fully over the craziness.
Different states have different things and different hiccups here and there, so you got to go with the flow.
A lot of us can relate, especially now worldwide, to experiencing at some point or another, an immense feeling of loneliness.
That’s literally my worst fear. My worst fear is being alone. I always like to go out and do something.
Going back to the story I was saying about how all this change was happening, we had moved to LA, and then we were in LA for about a year. We decided to move to Las Vegas. When we moved to Las Vegas, I was not only in a new city, but I was in a new state. Now I was far away from my friends. In LA, even though I didn’t see my friends every week like I was used to, I was still seeing them once a month. I had some friends come to visit me and that was super sweet. I also went out to Malibu a couple of times, but I don’t drive that often because I’m not the best driver.
It’s terrifying. I always hold onto the door when she’s driving.
I’m not terrible, but I prefer to be driven. I had people come to see me. Shout out to all my friends who came to visit me in LA. I love you. Now we’re in Nevada, Las Vegas. We’re in a new state. Thankfully, it’s not too far from LA, but it’s still a new state. We’re in lockdown. I’m in a new place. I don’t know anybody. I thought I was lonely before in LA. Desiree is still in Florida. I became immensely lonely during the pandemic. At this time, I realized the super immense importance of social life. I realized its importance at a level I had never understood before. Even though I thought that I was good at having lunch by myself sometimes or doing things by myself, I had never experienced that level of isolation.
On to today’s episode…
“What is it I love doing?” …
“What makes me most fulfilled?” …
These are important questions. The answers can give you a strong indication of what your purpose in life is and the career path you should take. But what if you have a job you hate and you feel stuck, but at least it pays the bills and gives you financial stability? Even so, you can’t wait to leave. You’re asking yourself, “How do I get out of this vicious cycle?”
In today’s episode of the Destiny Malibu Podcast (LINK), Destiny has a suggestion. If you follow her advice, you’ll reach your goal. You’ll replace that job you hate with one you love. It won’t be right way, but you’ll get there!
As you listen, you’ll discover…
- An “uncomfortable truth” about living out your purpose
- What to do if you don’t feel you’re in a place to focus on what you love
- What Destiny wants ALL of us to strive for
So what is Destiny’s advice for you? Listen Now!
Listen to the podcast here
From Passion Project To Fulltime Gig
What is it that I love doing and makes me feel most fulfilled? For another group of people, I’d say you have those people who maybe stepped into a career that they don’t love. They’re asking themselves, “How do I get out of this cycle? How do I get out of this cycle of spending most of my time doing something I don’t love?” My suggestion to that group of people would be, even if you are in a career now that you don’t love but you know it’s financially the best choice. You can set aside time each week, even if it’s just an hour to focus and put some time into that passion project that you have swept aside.
Even if it were to take you ten years, for example. If fitness is something that you’re passionate about, if you even were to spend one hour each week dedicating that time to your passion, it might take ten years but in ten years, you might be able to now take that passion project and make it your full-time gig. That’s the goal for all of us. Being in line with your purpose doesn’t have to happen overnight.
No, it takes a lot of hard work. You have to work toward your purpose. It doesn’t just happen.
Even if you’re feeling a little discouraged now and you feel like, “I’m not in a place financially or situationally where I can focus on what I love.” I challenge you to set even an hour aside each week to work on your passion project because not only is that going to fill up your soul but if you keep working on that over time with the goal and intention of, “I want this to hopefully become my full-time gig one day.” That is going to give you so much hope for life and bring so much joy even into the job that you don’t like because you’re filling up your soul with your passions.
We have another group of people who are lucky and passionate about what they do and they have had the opportunity to do what they love. I’m so happy for those people. Good for you folks and that’s the goal that I want all of us to strive for. All of us deserve to be happy. All of us deserve to do what we are most passionate about. All of us have unique gifts and talents. I challenge you, if you don’t know yet what your unique gift and talent are, explore that.
There are so many things out there to explore and to try, whether it’s art, math and science. All the subjects in school, there are different careers in each of those things of history, reading and stars and all that stuff. There’s so much out there that if you take the time to learn what options are, make a list. Be like, “I like this one. I like this one. I want to like this,” and try those different things on that list.
Try it all out. You might be an incredible juggler and you never knew. You might bring joy to tons of people juggling. It doesn’t have to be like you have to be an Olympic swimmer, even though that’s incredible. If that’s your gift, that’s amazing but don’t put too much pressure on yourself to feel like you don’t have a purpose because I promise you, you do.
Again, the purpose that we all strive for is to love one another and be there for each other. Whether it’s being a mother, a father, a sister, a brother and a friend. All those things are part of your purpose.
Every single one of those things is equally significant. If you’re a stay-at-home mom, you’re raising the future generation. That’s an incredible job. If you’re a doctor or a firefighter, you’re saving lives. That’s an incredible thing. If you are a dad or a husband out there and you are going out of your way to provide for your family, that’s incredible. That’s beautiful. Thank you so much to all of our militaries out there.
Thank you for your service.
Thank you so much for your service. We love you and appreciate you. Every single day, you put your life on the line for strangers in this country and that’s incredibly appreciated and beautiful. That’s a beautiful purpose. Purpose and fulfilling your purpose take many different forms and have many different faces.
Each of us is a unique individual with unique talents and unique gifts. I want to encourage you folks to go after what it is in life that makes you passionate because that version of you, that passionate version of you, that is going to be the most invigorating, magnetic and inspiring version of you to exist. We love you folks so much and we are so thankful that you’ve been hanging out with us on the Destiny Malibu show.
If you have any questions that you may want to ask, you can go to Ask@DestinyMalibu.com and you can submit your questions and we hope to answer those questions in some of our future episodes.
Send us a message and tell us what your purpose is. Leave a comment and send us a DM. I would love to hear what it is that makes you folks feel alive and the perfect time to play my song, I Feel Alive. If you haven’t heard it yet, go check it out. We love you folks so much. Thank you for hanging out with us and we will see you on the next episode.
That’s a wrap for our episode of Destiny Malibu show. Hit on over to iTunes and subscribe to the show. One lucky reader every week who subscribes and posts a review on iTunes will win an entry into the grand prize drawing for a private VIP Las Vegas weekend with Destiny Malibu. Head on over to DestinyMalibuPodcast.com and pick up a free copy of Destiny’s Gift. See you in the next episode.
In today’s episode of the Destiny Malibu Podcast, she tells you why. She also shares an inspiring quote from Jim Carrey to give you motivation to follow your dreams and not settle for the job everyone thinks you should take if it’s not the right one for you.
If you are a young person in high school or college trying to figure out your career path, or if you are further along in your journey looking to switch careers, this is an episode you want to listen to.
Listen to the podcast here
This Is An Important Decision. Choose Wisely!
I think at this point, my ultimate goal is to have a family and help my family figure out what their purpose is, my kids, and help my husband one day with his purpose.
To clarify, she doesn’t have kids. She’s talking about future kids.
I did say that, right? Future?
You said, “To help my kids.”
Neither of us has children or married, husbands or boyfriends. Slide into those DMs. Everyone has an opportunity to discover what their purpose is and what they’re passionate about at any point in their life. I think that purpose can be different at different stages of your life. Your purpose can change. For the athletes out there, maybe your purpose for a long time was being an athlete and then you move into a new phase of life. Maybe you take on a different career, you get married, or different things happen.
We have the beautiful opportunity at every stage of life to share our gifts with the upcoming generation, share our gifts and reinvent ourselves at any moment. You are never stuck in one place. You have the opportunity at any given moment to say, “This has been a fun stage in my life, but now I’m going to move on to this stage and I want to try this.” All of those different stages you go through are so pivotal for self-development and figuring out who you are.
Something I want to touch on too is I’d say that there are probably about three different groups of people. In my mind, I’d say that one of those groups would be the kids in high school or in college who are just about to step out into the world and choose what career path they’re going to take. I want to point out that I don’t think a career is necessarily your end-all purpose, but I will say that choosing your career and what you want to do and making sure it’s something you’re passionate about is important. Whatever your career ends up being is typically what the average person will spend most of their life doing.
If you’re a doctor, a singer, a nurse, an athlete, or a teacher, that’s going to take up the majority of your time in life. You want to make sure that you’re choosing something that you’re passionate about because if you’re passionate about it, you’re helping others and you’re giving back to your community, that is an essential part of fulfilling your purpose.
One of my favorite quotes is by Jim Carrey. He told a story at a graduation speech talking about how his dad pursued a safe career. That was something he was not very passionate about and it didn’t end up working out for him. Jim Carrey saw this and he decided, “If my dad cannot succeed at something that he didn’t like, then I want to take the risk and try to succeed at something that I love because you could lose or win either way.”
His quote was, “If you can fail at what you don’t like, you might as well take a risk on doing what you love.” I think that that is so beautifully said and that’s so important for all of the high school and college students who are stepping into this new kind of scary phase of, “What is my contribution to the world going to be? What is my legacy going to be?” Take the time to explore that and figure out what it is that makes you passionate. You might try 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. You might change majors five times. If you don’t go to college, you might try five different jobs. That’s totally fine. You want to find what is it that I love doing and that makes me feel most fulfilled.